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• Treat each day as your last; one day you will be right.



• Follow your dreams, except for that one where you're naked at work.



• Which one of these is the non-smoking lifeboat?



• Marriage is not a word. It's a sentence.



• George Bush has been working hard, 24 / 7 - 24 hours a week, 7 months a year.



• I had amnesia once - maybe twice.



• Originality is the art of concealing your sources.



• Photons have mass? I didn't even know they were Catholic.



• All I ask is a chance to prove money can't make me happy.



• Wear a watch and you'll always know what time it is. Wear two watches and you'll never be sure.