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• A history professor and a psychology professor were sitting on a deck at a nudist colony.
The history professor asked the psychology professor, "Have you read Marx?"
The psychology professor replied, "Yes, I think they are from the wicker chairs."

• We sleep in separate rooms, we have dinner apart, we take separate vacations--we're doing everything we can to keep our marriage together

• Mother: So, you want to become my son-in-law?
Boy: Not really, but I don't see any other way to marry your daughter

• Two women were talking about their new milkman.
First: He's very good looking, punctual & dresses so smartly.
And so quickly too!, said the other.

• Santa & Banta were walking in the highlands then suddenly Santa fell down in a deep hole.
Banta: Are you ok?
Santa: Fine thanks!
Banta: Did you break anything?
Santa: No, there's nothing down here!

• An old: Doc, I think I'm getting senile. Several times lately, I have forgotten to zip up.
Doc: That's not senility. Senility is when you forget to zip down.

• Boss: We are very keen on cleanliness. Did you wipe your feet on the mat as you came in?
New employee: Yes, sir.
Boss: We are also keen on truthfulness. There is no mat.

• It isn't widely known, but the first toilet seat was invented by an Irish scientist in the 18th century. The invention was later modified by an English inventor who put a hole in the seat.

• There is a sign in the toilet of the Sex Change Clinic. It reads "We may never piss this way again."

• Santa always leave an empty milk carton in the refrigerator just in case someone wants their coffee black.